Proms – A Spendy Extravaganza

by David J. Bredehoft,

First appeared in the Santa Monica Daily Press 5.24.05 p. 8

“Once a dance, prom has ballooned into a spendy extravaganza of lavish limos, dinners and parties. Prom night is huge, price tag’s gigantic” states the front page of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune headline (April 30, 2005)!

Web pages such as PerfectProm.com, PromSpot.com, and Promsnet.com are fueling this industry by creating an aura surrounding proms which elevate these events to the same status that weddings once held. They suggest in order for your teen to have the “perfect prom” plans have to be made months in advance and MUST include:  Tickets, prom dresses/tuxedos, accessories, a boutonniere/corsage, photographs, getting hair/nails/make-up done, renting a limousine, and dinner plans and after prom parties.

Total Tab For this Extravaganza (for one couple according to PromSpot.com)

·        Hair: $60-$150

·        Clothing: $225-$625

·        Flowers: $17-$105

·        Transportation: $0-$400

·        Dinner: $0-$150

·        Tickets: $100-$200

·        Photos: $25-$75

·        After party: $0-$150

·        Total: $427-$1,855

·        In some areas the costs are higher with moms paying $4,000 or more for the prom dress.

Is this price tag shocking? And to market it all to your teen, schools and local businesses are joining together by creating “prom days.” Sponsored by schools, these prom days showcase florists, local restaurants, photographers, and tuxedo and limousine companies; kind of a one stop shopping experience. Has the quest for the perfect prom turned into overindulgence?

Coming to a Neighborhood near You – Junior High Mini Prom Nights

With that kind of marketing, is it surprising that “mini prom nights” are now a common event in junior high and middle schools? The junior high school in which my wife teaches has always had an end-of-the-year ninth grade dance, but now this dance has turned into a “mini prom.” On the day of the dance, girls are absent from classes, with parental blessing, to get their hair and nails done.  It doesn’t stop there. Boys rent tuxes and arrive with their dates in Humvee stretch limos with after-party reservations at high-dollar restaurants.

Is this Overindulgence?

How Much is Enough? a book based on three research studies with 1,195 adults describes overindulgence this way: Overindulging children is giving them too much of what looks good, too soon, and for too long. It is giving them things or experiences that are not appropriate for their age or their interests and talents. It is the process of giving things to children to meet the adult’s needs, not the child’s.

Why Should Parents Care if they Overindulge or Not?

Overindulging children can cause them pain in their adult lives. Our research found that those who were overindulged often have difficulties such as:

·        delaying gratification,

·        becoming competent in everyday skills,

·        taking personal responsibility,

·        knowing what is enough, and

·        giving up being the center of attention.

What Can Parents Do Instead?

There are many ways that parents can resist prom overindulgence. Some of them are:

·        have a co-parent discussion and come to agreement about how your values factor into the decisions you make to further your teen's development regarding the prom

·        have a prom budget discussion with your teen early in the planning stage

·        once a reasonable budget amount has been jointly established, ask your teen to contribute half of the amount and you offer to contribute the other half

·        set reasonable expectations about prom night curfew and enforce it

·        remind your teen that attending school is a requirement and going to the prom is a privilege. Missing school for hair appointments etc. is not allowed

·        review and discuss rules about sex and alcohol

 Click here to participate in our overindulgence studies.

(David J. Bredehoft Ph.D., Jean Illsley Clarke Ph.D., and Connie Dawson Ph.D., are coauthors of How Much Is Enough? Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence and Raise Likeable, Responsible and Respectful Children – From Toddlers to Teens. David is chair of the Social and Behavioral Sciences Department at Concordia University – St. Paul and can be reached at bredehoft@csp.edu.  To read more about overindulgence go to www.overindulgence.info.)